if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
