He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
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