Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
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