ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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