now i know why i became what i already was.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
