He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
