I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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