can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
