**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize