No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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