I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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