Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
