That's intense
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Randomize
