Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
