I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
