Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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