girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
