Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
