the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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