For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
