I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
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