I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
