Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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