stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
