6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
