I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
