new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Randomize