Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
And then my night got REAL pukey
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize