my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
