i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
