Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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