cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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