I cockslap morals
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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