I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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