I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
