She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
You are a genius and a whore.
Randomize
