I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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