You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Randomize
