my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
