yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
The beer is more important than you right now.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Randomize
