but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
