i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Randomize
