Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
