Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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