why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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