So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
