Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
