U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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