May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
