I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
