btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
