dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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