Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Randomize