It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
