Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
3 2 1 whiskey
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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