I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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