i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
