I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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