what if every blade of grass was a penis?
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
