Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize
