Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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