this boner is exhausting
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
They have beer where we have blood.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
