I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
This baby is an asshole
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize