You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
