Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
hell yes lets make some ravioli
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Randomize
