Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
