I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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