Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Randomize
