New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
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