if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize