I want to walk on stilts...naked
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Randomize
