you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
