dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
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