I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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