So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize