I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Randomize
