you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
