Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
