I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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