All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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