I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
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