Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
