Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
