I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
