Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
