Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
