I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
