It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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