..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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