another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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