i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Randomize
