ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
