We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
