What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
