So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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