my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I've blown a few things in my day
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
