Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
