Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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