Already got asked if we're dating
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
