Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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